Some time again, my poetry group did a workshop based mostly on the theme of ‘cosmic horror’ and I had, in fact, signed up as a result of I signal as much as each workshop. The supplies we talk about are all the time fascinating, the discussions are a lot enjoyable, and the poems everybody writes are unimaginable. I didn’t know what cosmic horror was however I’d been to workshops I’d recognized little about earlier than and ended up writing poems I used to be actually pleased with. Nonetheless, I felt like I ought to perform some research since I didn’t know what ‘cosmic horror’ truly was…
I spent a number of hours googling and looking out on totally different social media platforms – typically I discover somebody describing one thing in layman’s phrases simpler to know – however I wasn’t discovering an evidence that actually made it click on for me. Then I got here throughout this submit on Tumblr…
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Studying this, I virtually threw up as a result of it defined a sense I’ve had for so long as I can bear in mind: that the world is horrifying and overwhelming and that dwelling in it’s all however insufferable. I don’t know when the items clicked collectively, what it was I realized that triggered that realisation but it surely’s one which I’ve by no means been capable of neglect despite the fact that I don’t know what the basis of it’s; each day it’s a battle to not be overwhelmed by it. I’ve by no means been capable of articulate it however I really feel just like the ant described right here. I’m filled with feelings I can’t comprehend however can’t neglect. I really feel like I can’t be a ‘regular’ particular person ever once more as a result of when you study what the world is actually like, you may’t unlearn it. I really feel ‘mad’ in the way in which this submit describes. I really feel like this ant, screaming and convulsing till it kills me. I’ve by no means seen or heard something that comes so near describing how I really feel on the core of who I’m as a human being. I can’t inform whether or not it’s extra validating or triggering.
I don’t know the way correct that is as a definition or clarification of cosmic horror but it surely resonated with me so shockingly that I nonetheless really feel rattled by it. The poetry workshop was glorious, as traditional, and the poems written by the group actually blew me away. I didn’t really feel capable of get that far into the subject material – all of those emotions had been nonetheless too uncooked – however I feel I nonetheless managed to write down some fascinating items. I’d like to complete them sooner or later or take them in a special course if the cosmic horror theme nonetheless feels an excessive amount of.
It’s fascinating to me that I discovered this simply as I’ve began somatic remedy classes, on condition that somatic remedy is about releasing the trauma you’re carrying in your physique, knowingly or unknowingly. I don’t know the place this terror of the unknowable, these existential fears, got here from however possibly my physique does and possibly this remedy will assist as a result of I don’t know the way for much longer I can carry this; an ant can solely scream and convulse for thus lengthy earlier than it dies.