I’ve been a bit of quiet these days, or not less than quieter than regular. That’s as a result of I’ve spent the week questioning whether or not I used to be dying.
I’m writing you from one among our native hospices, the place I used to be moved on Wednesday, after three days of sleeping day and night time. I spent three days sleeping on the sofa, then moved to mattress and slept by the night time. Three days of profound fatigue and a really sore throat.
Initially I assumed it was the flu however J. referred to as the palliative dwelling care nurse, who urged I’d enter the hospice. I put my identify in for a mattress right here and by that night, we knew {that a} spot can be out there the following morning. So after three days of sleeping day and night time, on the morning of day 4, an ambulance transported me to my new dwelling.
I will probably be trustworthy with you: shifting to a spot I will probably be in till I die has been robust. It could be the precise choice however it has been scary and overwhelming to maneuver in. I don’t understand how I’ve not died from the emotional upheaval of shifting to a spot like this, despite the fact that the care has been exemplary. J., bless her soul, has been sleeping on a cot by my aspect. She has been fed generously at mealtimes, the identical meals because the residents, and is welcome to be right here as a lot as she desires. And this place begins the time out with the most effective iced water round, and there’s nothing I like as a lot as chilly glassa iced water. These people know what dying folks want; I couldn’t be in higher palms.
After a couple of days of lazing round in my new mattress, I’m questioning whether or not my admission was untimely. I imagine I’m dying, and that it’s going to occur sooner slightly than later, however my loss of life doesn’t appear to be as imminent because it was once I was admitted. My mornings are fatigue and naps, however by midday I’m alert and even as much as a customer or two.
Late this afternoon, we spoke with the physician. She heard my issues and urged the most effective of each worlds, for now not less than: a day move to see how I’d operate locally. If she takes me dwelling, J. will probably be answerable for caring for me, however she appears as much as the duty. I’m not incontinent, I don’t need assistance with self care, and, though I’m weak, I could make it to the washroom and fridge by myself. J. might want to feed me and do my laundry, however she’s been doing that for a while already. If my situation declines, I’ll return to the hospice pronto.
Running a blog is low precedence now. J. has entry to my weblog, and you’ll know if I die. However know that the tip is close to and, day passes or not, I think about I’ll die on this spacious room with massive home windows and caring workers and nice meals. (If solely our hospitals fed us so nicely! Two meals with bacon thus far.)
I will probably be writing so long as I can. If I don’t reply to your feedback, I belief you’ll perceive. I’m grateful on your persistence and assist. You might have motivated me to maintain going.